Blogging on… Social Media and Mental Health

I’m not going to lie.

I feel like no matter how much I tell myself that I’m writing this blog only for myself, I feel like there’s always that part of me that seeks attention.

That sounds bad, let me explain.

By attention, what I really mean is appreciation. Appreciation for my bravery. For sharing my story. Engagement, likes, comments, shares, approval - sound familiar?

I want to hear other people’s stories and hopefully help them get through hard times. I want what I’m doing to inspire others to share their story as well.

But then I remember something. I’m nothing special. I’m not an influencer with 10k followers. I mean, I only have just over 1000 followers on Instagram, the vast majority of which I don’t have the faintest clue who they actually are. Like I know of them but I don’t know them, if you know what I mean.

Shit, I think.

I’m just me. I’m no celebrity.

The fact is, no matter how much you’ve been through, how awesome you are, how interesting your life is, there will always be someone else who is more well known than you, has more followers than you, gets more comments than you, gets more attention than you.

Go figure.

It seems so easy doesn’t it? When you see all those influencers posting about their stories, things that have happened to them, things that genuinely matter to them.

They open their phones and are greeted by countless notifications. All the love and appreciation that they could possibly receive.

Deep down though, I know that this isn’t real love. Real love is the kind of emotion you feel when you look into your wee niece’s eyes, when you are cuddling your dog or when you are in a lasting, loving relationship.

You would think it would be easy to recognise the difference. However, in this day and age, people don’t actually realise how influential things, namely social media, an online presence and the so called ‘love’ you receive online are in determining how you feel on a day to day basis. The lines between real love and online love are still very blurred for a lot of people, including me.

Even if you do understand the difference, there is still a part of you that keeps checking your phone. For more likes, comments, shares, for whatever gives you that quick rush of dopamine.

It’s a bit like a drug addiction isn’t it? Sounds awfully dramatic I’m sure, but it is kind of true for a lot of us, more so than we even realise.

This is our society right now. Without even realising, we live off of, depend on the approval, the ‘likes’ from people we hardly know on Facebook, Instagram or whatever your chosen platform is. For some it’s more manageable, however for others, this dependency can completely undermine their self esteem.

I’d be lying if I said that it hasn’t affected me at all. Starting a blog and sharing your genuine, unfiltered story is a big step, especially when you are still struggling with mental illness every day, and of course you are going to be hoping for many others to read your blog and leave their thoughts about how it helped them.

And then there’s the numerous influencers you follow, with thousands upon thousands of followers, leaving you with that overwhelming question that you start asking yourself: why can’t I have that?

Well here’s my answer: fuck that.

You don’t need a massive following. In fact there is one phrase that summarises appropriately what I’m trying to say:

Quality over quantity.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a massive following, because those same people are having the same insecurities as you and often suffer behind the scenes just as much as you. Influencers are some of the most insecure people in this world and that is just a fact.

Something that is very important to remember is this: a massive following, loads of likes, comments, shares etc, simply DOES NOT equal happiness.

And just because you have tens of thousands of followers, does that actually mean that they all actually care about you? Absolutely not. Having a smaller group of followers, who are fully invested in you and what you have to say is much more meaningful than determining achievement based on simple numbers.

Anyhow, I know that real love is not the kind of love you get from getting likes or comments on social media. Real love is something to be found elsewhere, away from the pull of social media.

I’m still on a personal journey and I can by no means say that I have mastered the balance between real love and ‘online’ love.

I have my family, that love me. I have friends, but all things considered, I could have more of them. At school, I was known as the loner, the girl with no friends. I’ve always felt a little different. I guess I thought maybe starting a blog would help me connect with others, who perhaps have had similar experiences.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the ‘attention’ that you get on social media. Even today, I found myself seeing people I know posting on social media about their exciting lives and there’s something inside me that pities how boring my life is in comparison.

That’s the problem though, isn’t it. Comparison.

My recommendation to anyone who is struggling at all with this, is to try and find other things that you are good at, that take up your time. Spend time with your family, friends or even your dog, cat or other pets, AWAY from social media and try to remind yourself of what real love looks like. Then you won’t depend so much on the attention you get on social media, and any attention you do get will just be a bonus.

You don’t need it. No matter how much you tell yourself you do need it, you don’t.

On top of your family, friends etc, please remember that ultimately, the most important kind of love you can receive is from yourself.

Self-love is everything.

Bonus titbit: The reality of my own social media

Here are some of my own Instagram posts, below which you will find how I was ACTUALLY feeling when I posted it.

This was taken around Christmas and I was still really hurting after my first ever break up, just a few weeks prior. I also had a breakdown earlier that day, so as you can see, I was feeling fabulous 🤪

This was taken at Top Model U.K. live finals. The day before, I literally spent all day in bed, had a major breakdown and my parents had to come visit me and force me out of the house. I'm still glad I did the show the next day, as I would have regretted it if I didn't.

This was me on a skiing holiday in January 2020, just before lockdown started. Although I look happy here, little did I know that shortly after this,  I would be told to stay at home by the government and I would hit rock bottom, facing the hardest time of my life.

Remember: there's always a way out!

I hope this bit of reality helps you in some way.

Social media is NOT what it seems.

Love to you all,

Anneli

Xx